Forget nudie magazines and lap dances: Logging on and getting off is a form of sex that more and more people are finding quite enjoyable; so much so, that it's become an actual psychological condition (Cyber Addiction: the uncontrollable urge to log on and have sex chat). But have you ever wondered what kind of person seeks thrills by way of Cyber sex? What drives people to discuss personal desires with strangers? Is it the allure of talking to perfectly anonymous people about things you may hold secret otherwise? Is it the anticipation of what the person will say next? I have always been attracted to the idea that Cyber sex lets you use your imagination, but my burning question remained: How did it compare to the real thing??? Due to extreme curiosity, I ventured into the World Wide Web of Sex to find out for myself what all the excitement's about.

When I first decided to conduct my experiment, the first questions, of course, were how to go about it and whom would I recruit for the job. I browsed the Net for various sex chat forums and found a plethora of sites to choose from. Like any other form of sex, the Cyber variety has a wide range of scenarios. It's not just logging on and talking dirty: there are actually many different levels. But everything depends on what you think might turn you on. As for myself, I didn't quite know. I know what turns me on physically, but we're talking about anonymous, verbal sex here - anything goes! So I tried to keep an open mind and let my mouse lead the way.

The first sex-chat site I found was a huge message board where everyone shouted obscenities at each other. It was a waterfall of sexual situations: Straight up getting it on!! There were a lot of regulars who frequented the site, and lots of group activities going on (Virtual orgies were quite popular). People could also join up in private chat rooms for more detailed conversation. It seemed as if those frequenting this site were more turned on by the mere mention of sexual acts with various different strangers It also seemed a bit impersonal for me, and consequently I found myself not very stimulated. If mindless Cyber sex sounds fun, then hey -- this is for you!

The next sites I stumbled upon offered pictures to accompany the chat, but these were mostly "professional" girls who expect you to pay up first. It's very similar to Too Square's own Web Cam girls, in fact: You pay to tell them what to do while you watch. In these site's particular scenarios, you know what type of sex you want and the girls type exactly what you want to see (or read), minus the live feed. One thing I was beginning to notice: It's more difficult for a woman seeking Cyber sex. Why is that anyway? Girls have just as many (if not more) wants and desires as men. Yet women RULE the Net. There are male sites out there, but nowhere near as many as those featuring women. I actually had a hard time locating any at all. Most I found were gay, transvestite, or super-fetish-oriented, which are all fine if that's what you're into.

But where can a nice, regular girl like myself go for some honest, sexy chat?!

I started to become frustrated with my inability to find even one place that held my interest. As the weeks wore on, I scoured the Net looking for something that aroused me in the slightest way. Was I a prude for not getting off on sex conversations with strangers? There was always the option of posting my profile on message boards, where people could then e-mail and invite me for a chat. This is a bit more tailored and kind of pinpoints what you are looking for, and while this method seems a little more personal, it's very structured. In the physical world, you know what you want and you seek it out. I didn't want that. Once again, I wanted to keep an open mind: It just seemed too boring to state exactly what I'm looking for. I mean, I was seeking sex with a stranger after all. It should be more adventurous!

My online sex chat came from an unexpected place. I had befriended someone on the Internet while researching music-article material. This person, who I'll call "Harvey," has a site for his punk band, which grabbed my attention. I sent Harvey an e-mail: he replied, we hit it off and started chatting. I had no immediate sexual interest. He was physically attractive but more important, I found he was easy to talk to and we had similar interests. I had done some erotic modeling recently, and eventually directed Harv to the Web site where I was being featured. He checked out the site and replied with many compliments! A few weeks passed and we began chatting more frequently. The compliments also began to increase, which began to excite me a little. That's when it hit me: Harvey could be my sex chat experiment! I had finally figured out that in order for me to be stimulated, I had to know the person to some extent.

So let the experiment begin ...

I am not a shy girl by nature. I love to be in front of the camera, and I have no problem expressing my sexual interests. Well, perhaps due to first-time jitters or not knowing what to expect, I felt shy with Harvey at first; but after awhile I became comfortable with flirting. We would be in the middle of discussing something and Harvey would simply say, "Damn, you're so hot." I liked that a lot. Ask any girl and she'll tell you: Compliments get you everywhere! Big turn on!

So really, those four little words led the way. I asked him why he thought I was hot. What did he like about my body? He said he especially liked my eyes and my legs. Simple but very alluring words for a gal like myself. Harvey had no problem telling me what I wanted to hear, he was very descriptive and that really turned me on. The man can use his imagination! At this point in the experiment, at last, I was getting very curious and intrigued. More flirting went on and the subject matter intensified. It's like going to the next level, were you really begin to anticipate what will be said next. Ahh, anticipation: a major emotion in this form of sex. I pinned down the subject matter that made him particularly excited and learned when to emphasize it, which really enhanced our chat. He really liked when I was graphic and used certain words to describe what we were doing. I enjoyed realizing his particular desires: for me, this was just as exciting as when he discovered one of mine. Personally, I wanted to create and play out a fantasy, a scenario that would lead up to "sex". To my mind, that's just as erotic and exciting as the actual act its self. So one night, I put us in a situation that started in a sleazy, New York motel room. I gave Harvey a steamy beginning that involved ripping my shirt off, and told him the next time we chatted, I wanted him to continue the story. This really got me hot, particularly because I knew Harvey would be thinking about my words until then, creating a fantasy to combine with mine. True creativity! By the next chat session, Harvey and I progressed to more, shall we say, hot and steamy subject matter, i.e. body parts were discussed and more scenarios were added. Once again, his attention to detail really enhanced the fantasy: during foreplay, we could hear people passing by but didn't care that they heard us; we could hear the busy New York streets as we embraced our lust for one another. In other words, an actual sexual experience. And we were on the same level as far as what we found sexually stimulating.

I can honestly say I enjoyed this experiment. I was able to use my imagination in a new way and it felt great to try something different and exciting. I'd advise any sexually open person to try Cyber sex at least once. I'm convinced that although it's a very unique experience, it's still much like the real thing in many ways. I felt nervous in the beginning; became more excited as we furthered the conversation; and we ultimately became intimate and shared our sexual desires. But the best part, for me, was fantasizing with another person. We all fantasize alone, most of us without ever sharing these fantasies with another person, which is an extremely enlightening experience. I've come to the conclusion that Cyber sex has something for every one. Whether you're a hungry sex-junkie looking for a quick screw, or a sexually curious person looking for a new experience, there's something (and someone) for every desire.

So the next time you log on, think about it this: There's someone out there waiting, right now, to satisfy your sexual fantasy.

Janice Lovelace

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